Humor,Laughing is Good For You

209 jokes that can be told in church

1. Attending a wedding for the first time, a little girl whispered to her mother, "Why is the bride dressed in white?" "Because white is the color of happiness, and today is the happiest day of her life." The child thought about this for a moment then said, "So why the groom wearing black?"

2. A little girl, dressed in her Sunday best, was running as fast as she could, trying not to be late for Bible class. As she ran she prayed, "Dear Lord, please don't let me be late! Dear Lord, please don't let me be late!" While she was running and praying, she tripped on a curb and fell, getting her clothes dirty and tearing her dress. She got up, brushed herself off, and started running again! As she ran she once again began to pray "Dear Lord, please don't let me be late...But please don't shove me either!"

3. Three boys are in the school yard bragging about their fathers. The first boy says, "My Dad scribbles a few words on a piece of paper, he calls it a poem, they give him $50." The second boy says, "That's nothing. My Dad scribbles a few words on piece of paper, he calls it a song, they give him $100." The third boy says, "I got you both beat. My Dad scribbles a few words on a piece of paper, he calls it a sermon, and it takes eight people to collect all the money!"

4. An elderly woman died last month. Having never married, she requested no male pallbearers. In her handwritten instructions for her memorial service, she wrote, "They wouldn't take me out while I was alive, I don't want them to take me out when I'm dead."

5. A police recruit was asked during the exam, "What would you do if you had to arrest your own mother?" He answered, "Call for backup."

6. A Sunday School teacher asked her class why Joseph and Mary took Jesus with them to Jerusalem. A small child replied, "They couldn't get a baby-sitter."

7. A Sunday school teacher was discussing the Ten Commandments with her five and six year olds. After explaining the commandment to "Honor thy father and thy mother," she asked, "Is there a commandment that teaches us how to treat our brothers and sisters?" Without missing a beat, one little boy answered, "Thou shall not kill."

8. At Sunday School they were teaching how God created everything, including human beings. Little Johnny seemed especially intent when they told him how Eve was created out of one of Adam's ribs. Later in the week his mother noticed him lying down as though he were ill, and she said, "Johnny, what is the matter?" Little Johnny responded, "I have pain in my side. I think I'm going to have a wife."

9. Two boys were walking home from Sunday school after hearing a strong preaching on the devil. One said to the other, "What do you think about all this Satan stuff?" The other boy replied, "Well, you know how Santa Claus turned out. It's probably just your Dad."

You don't stop laughing because you grow old. You grow old because you stop laughing! Take heed and pass these along to people who need a laugh.


Little Tyrone:

A new teacher was trying to make use of her psychology
courses. She started her class by saying, "Everyone who thinks
they're stupid, stand up!" After a few seconds, Little Tyrone
stood up. The teacher said, "Do you think you're stupid,
Little Tyrone ?" "No, ma'am, but I hate to see you standing
there all by yourself!"

* * * * *
Little Tyrone watched, fascinated, as his mother smoothed cold
cream on her face. "Why do you do that, mommy?" he asked. "To
make myself beautiful," said his mother, who then began
removing the cream with a tissue. "What's the matter?" asked
Little Tyrone . "Giving up?"

* * * * *
The math teacher saw that little Tyrone wasn't paying
attention in class. She called on him and said, "Tyrone ! What
are 2 and 4 and 28 and 44?" Little Tyrone quickly replied,
"NBC, FOX, ESPN and the Cartoon Netwo rk!"

* * * * *
Little Tyrone's kindergarten class was on a field trip to
their local police station where they saw
pictures tacked to a bulletin board of the 10 most wanted
criminals. One of the youngsters pointed to a picture and
asked if it really was the photo of a wanted person. "Yes,"
said the policeman. "The detectives want very badly to capture
him." Little Tyrone asked, "Why didn't you keep him
when you took his picture?"

* * * * *
Little Tyrone attended a horse auction with his father. He
watched as his father moved from horse to horse, running his
hands up and down the horse's legs and rump. After a few
minutes, Tyone asked, "Dad, why are you doing that?" His
father replied, "Because when I'm buying horses, I have to
make sure that they are healthy and in good shape before I
buy. Tyrone, looking worried, said, "Dad, I think the UPS guy
wants to buy Mom."

If this brightened your day, don¢t let it stop here. Pass it
on with a smile. Keep spreading the cheer!
Pass on to your friends! They like Tyrone too ya know.